Spiritual Diary - September

September 1

Communication

You cannot beat a flower into blossoming in any desired way or any desired time.
It is an extraordinary thing - the closer to perfection you are, the more you will be able to appreciate nearly everybody.
You know why you made some mistakes and therefore, when you see someone else making the same mistakes, you sympathize and humbly note that he is trying at least.
If you are earnest and sincere in bringing about this unfoldment yourself, you will know the nature of flowers everywhere in the world.
You will know how the same nature is bursting to unfold in each one - even in this matchstick, in dust, in a creature as small as the ant - you can understand everything and everybody!
And at that stage, probably you will find no need to communicate.
You may still go on speaking, as the dog barks.
Things go on.
The sun shines, not because it wants to warm your back, but it shines because it is one of those things the sun cannot help.
So, you keep talking and communicating in your own way, while knowing that all this is irrelevant to life!

September 2

One with the Problem

To ascribe the cause of inner evil to something outside oneself is immature, infantile. I have no time for that.
When my foot is cut by coral, I must immediately fix it.
It hurts like mad. I only want instantaneous relief.
I have become one with the problem, which is like becoming one with the wave.
This means that "I" is not there.
It means the mind is absolutely tranquil, absolutely peaceful, and therefore transparent.
I suppose you have enjoyed this at sometime in your life, although these occasions are rare.
There is no difference felt between "you" and "me".
In such moments the mind is quiet and calm, so completely transparent, that you can look through it.
In that transparent mind, you see the play of thoughts.
The thoughts are still there.
"I" am not thinking, but the thoughts are there.
There is a tremendous intelligence ever active in you.
A wonderful intelligence is built into every cell of your being.
I am merely witnessing.
I am becoming aware of this flow of thoughts, like a river.

September 3

Asking

What exactly is an "evil thought"?
I am not asking why it arises. That is endless enquiry!
What is the thought made of, i.e. what is the material, and who made it, i.e. who is the thinker of the thought?
I know the answer, not verbally, but immediately, experimentally.
I know what it is made of and who made it.
The asking itself is the answer.
Since I know the stuff of which the evil, painful thought is made, and that it is the ego that hurts like mad, I throw it away.
Each must arrive at this point himself, as he continues watching vigilantly, from moment to moment, the ordinary things he says and does.
It needs the toughest activist to be really vigilant.
When the thorn is in one's foot, one does not resignedly say, "This is not my business, leave it to God."
One does not "accept", as accepting leads to justification and defending.
Facing the cobra, one does not stay motionless, but one does everything one has to do - except one will not step on it.
Similarly, with a thorn in the foot, one carries on one's normal movements, but does not step on that part of the foot.
Aware of the thorn, of the venomous snake, one is constantly on guard, one-pointedly, this above all!
Vigilance until the last breath!

September 4

Light

In a few days we shall be celebrating the birthday of My Gurudev, Swami Sivananda.
He is the Light of our life.
Gurudev is light.
Light illumines, it is not concerned with, nor is it responsible for what we do with or in that illumination.
We the followers often err, and I have heard many people blame their Guru for this or that, saying: "He should not have done so-and-so."
The light is impartial and that does not suit our narrow minds.
We expect the enlightened one to pat us on the back and kick others in the pants.
Light hurts the owl's eyes.
So we, who are accustomed to darkness, find it hard to face the light.
What glorious opportunities we lose because of this diabolical instinct.
His Light shines on our life, the light has already reached its destination.
We shall not know this unless we tread the path and reach the destination.
We do not want to do that, we want the Guru to self-realize for us.
He is the Light of our life.
Every thought word and deed that proceeds from us must be illumined by that light.
We should learn to look at our own life in the light of our guru; only then does he truly become the dispeller of darkness - gu - gloom, ru - remove.
May His Light shine forever.

September 5

Namaskara

Swami Sivananda was fond of what He called "namaskara yoga".
"Namaskara" is greeting everybody with humility and reverence, in an attempt to see the presence of God in all.
Yoga is nothing if it does not lead us, no matter how quickly or how slowly, in the direction of the realization that that, which is omnipresent, has no duality in it.
How does this wisdom or knowledge arise?
Is it possible for the thought that thinks that there is diversity, to cease, without another thought arising, suggesting that there is no diversity?
The two thoughts think of the same diversity.
Whether you say that I exist, or I do not exist, I am there in your mind.
Diversity does not cease to be by merely raising another thought called unity, another thought called omnipresence, another thought called infinity.
It only adds to our worries.
The one that is infinite is not opposed to diversity.
The infinite is not the opposite of diversity, and therefore by creating another thought called infinity, we are not going to solve the problem of diversity.
Be a Christian if you want, but see that in and through the content of that religion is God.
Be an atheist if you want, but the content of that atheism is God.
Be what you want to be - the content of what you are, in reality, is God.
That is the beautiful approach of Krishna, also of Swami Sivananda.

September 6

Omnipresent

It is possible to get hold of each one of these diverse, so-called objects, and by wise enquiry, or by devotion (you can adopt any path you like) to see through the object and say, "If God is Omnipresent, He must be there inside this; if God dwells in all hearts, He is there in this person; if God dwells in everything, He must be in this glass of water."
Can I approach each one of these objects, still regarding them as objects, with surrender, with devotion, with wisdom, with knowledge and with understanding?
God is infinite, God is Omnipresent, so even this must be divine; if there is a suspicion, or an idea, or a thought, or a notion within me that it is not so, it is because of a deficiency in me, not in the object.
If I am not able to see God in this man, it is not because this Omnipresent God suddenly disappeared from that particular spot.
There is something wrong in me so that I cannot read the fine print.
It is not because the fine print is not clear, but because my eyesight is not good.
Therefore I must rectify that, instead of trying to manipulate the outside world.
So if I bow down to this man too, it is possible that, one of these days, true knowledge will arrive; some day the heart will be purified and the truth will be seen.
Then one day I am bound to look into the mirror and suddenly see God there also - that is the end of the journey.

September 7

Guru

We cannot do without the Guru on the spiritual path.
We cannot do even without the material objects like food, clothes, and shelter.
These are like the crutches with which the lame man walks.
We cannot renounce them all of a sudden.
We must develop inner strength, dispassion to a high degree, before we can be content with chance alms, the shade of a tree, or near nudity.
If these are like crutches, then the Guru's guidance is like the light on the path.
Even if we can give up the crutches, we cannot walk the path without the light.
We have to traverse strange lands, incomplete darkness.
Guru's light alone can guide us.
Even if we have attained a high degree of perfection in bhakti, it is not safe to renounce the Guru.
There is fear of downfall till the last moment.
Even when one is established in God it is necessary that one should remain there till the body falls, otherwise there may be a downfall.
Moreover, according to Kena Upanishad, one can never be aware of God realization.
One who has really realized God does not know that he has.
One who thinks or feels he has realized God, has not.
Hence, at no stage can we renounce the Guru.
To the devotee, guru and God are one.

September 8

Remembering

It is necessary and important to remind ourselves of the great life and inspiring teachings of Sri Gurudev Sivananda.
Even when He was in His body, in the ashram, we decided it was no good celebrating the birthday just once a year, and we started celebrating the birth-date, the eighth of every month; so that, if not every day, at least once a month, we could remind ourselves of the sublime life and teachings.
But I think we should be extremely careful.
Are we seeking power or glory for ourselves in this?
Then we are misusing the whole concept of Guru.
We may think we are getting out of the ego trap - we are in it.
One can pretend to be vigilant all the time.
One can equally easily bluff oneself that "I am selfless, I am unselfish".
It is the ego that says, "I am egoless. I have completely surrendered" - which means, "As long as you tell me what I want you to tell me, I'll do everything exactly as you say" - that's a very different kind of surrender.
One can bask in the glory of the Guru, one can imagine that one derives a tremendous lot of power from the Guru, as a club to hit others.
The glory belongs to Him, the power belongs to Him, and the privilege of remembering all this belongs to us.

September 9

Human Saints

Why do we wish to study Swami Sivananda's teachings?
His teachings were embodied in Him.
His whole life, His every action was the cream of his teachings.
Therefore it is more fruitful for us to see if we can learn from His life itself.
Is it possible for me to contemplate His life and to learn something from that?
We who have witnessed His life, we ourselves were awed sometimes.
Sometimes He looked so human, so simple, and sometimes that simplicity was so complex that we were tempted to give up.
He was so beautiful, so simple, so straight - and that was what was so difficult for our complex minds to understand.
We tend to crystallize, to petrify things, so that they become hard.
For example, I pick up some teachings and I want to put them into practice.
My life is in motion; the whole world is in motion.
I don't take any notice of these ever changing phenomena - I have a teaching and I am going to apply it here.
But life is not something that stands in front of you - life is in motion.
Yet we tend to become petrified, to become rigid.
Therefore we find it extremely difficult to watch a genius in action, a saint in motion, a living saint who is not also petrified.
We are familiar with robots, pillars; we are not familiar with human saints.

September 10

Teachings

When I watch the life of such a great man as Swami Sivananda, what example do I follow?
What we usually do with all the great masters is to follow all the convenient examples.
What suits me, I follow.
But I cannot do what is uncomfortable for me.
And therefore, when he does what does not suit me, I say, "Oh, He was so great. He was God almighty; he can do that, but I cannot; I can only do this."
I put Him on a pedestal and worship Him - and what is comfortable, nice, and pleasant, I blindly copy.
That won't do.
One has to get saturated with the teachings; not only as they were embodied in His writings, but also in His life.
One must watch, one must listen with the whole of one's being open.
Your whole being will be open to these teachings, only if you are not even anxious about how you are going to apply them to your life.
"How am I going to get self-realization the day after tomorrow, through this?"
Even that anxiety must go.
I must let these teachings and the incidents of his life soak through my whole being, so that then, from there, the teachings themselves will act.
The whole being is transformed.
Then it is possible for life to undergo drastic and complete change.

September 11

Imitation

A holy man, who was a contemporary of Swami Sivananda, told us a beautiful story.
In those days there were not many English speaking Swamis and the villagers loved to hear Swamis speak in their own language - Hindi.
This Swami, a wonderful man, was fascinated by the appearance of this young Sivananda, who was very young and radiant.
He saw something great in Him.
It seems he got hold of Sivananda and said, "Come and stay with me for a month and I will teach you Hindi. Afterwards, you can travel and thrill all audiences with your dynamic, radiant personality!"
Swami Sivananda stayed only three days - the fourth night He quietly slipped away.
"This is not my path. This is not what I am here for; not to imitate this man, but to find myself."
And I think that is what He wanted all of us to do.
"What am I here for in this world? What is my unique role to play in this world?"
That each one has to discover - then that itself acts, enriching one's life.

September 12

Receptivity

The ascetic, Dattatreya, said, "If you are inwardly awake, life itself teaches you, everything around you becomes your teacher.
If you are inwardly asleep, then God almighty, standing in front of you, is of no use to you."
I think it is quite simple.
It is only now that there are millions of people who call themselves Buddhists, millions of people who call themselves Christians, millions of people who call themselves Hindus.
But, how many people recognized that Buddha was enlightened, how many people recognized that Jesus was Jesus Christ, how many people recognizes that Krishna was an incarnation of God? Very few.
If there were half a dozen fanatic devotees, there were also a dozen fanatic critics.
During their own lifetimes they were not recognized as they are recognized now.
That is obvious.
So, if my heart is not open, even if God stood in front of me and taught me, I would not pay any attention.
I would ask a million questions and demand an identification card, "How do I know that you are God, and not an impostor?"
Unless I am receptive, nothing is of any use; and if I am receptive, everything is of use.
Isn't that sample!
And so the ascetic says, "Since I am inwardly awake, since I am seeking, I find the teaching in everything around me."

September 13

Awakened Intelligence

There is another beautiful saying from the ascetic Dattatreya: "It is not enough to have one Guru."
I am sure that many of you who, have followed the teaching of most of the present day masters, are a bit disturbed by this, because we have been told that one should tenaciously adhere to one Guru, that one should not even look at another.
But here it says that that is not enough, and that each great master reveals a facet of this truth.
Therefore, one who seeks enlightenment or freedom from limitation must expose himself to these different facets, to the teachings of different Masters, different Gurus, so that there is a comprehensive understanding of this truth.
It is immediately clear that one who thus exposes himself to several masters is freed from one of the greatest scourges we find among ourselves - criticism.
"My guru is superior to yours."
I am immediately freed from this wasteful pastime of running other people down.
If that can happen to us, it is already a great gain.
I am devoted to several teachers and therefore, in my own mind, in my own heart, nothing critical of any of them arises.
Is it possible for us to be confused, to be lead in different directions? Impossible.
Why is it so?
Because there is an inner awakening, and it is the awakened intelligence that seeks this instruction and knowledge.

September 14

Inner Controller

What is this inner controller?
What is this indwelling divinity in all?
It is a kind of Shakti or power, not a blind force, but a conscious power called Chit-Shakti by the yogis.
Even if you think about it, you cannot understand nor conceptualize this power; you cannot come face to face with this power, because it is beyond the mind and the intellect.
It is something marvelous.
Ultimately all matter can be reduced to atoms, and these again can be split into something else.
Yet, this same substance is able to give rise to all this diversity.
We are all endowed with the same physiological structure and, we may eat the same food, yet we grow differently.
There is a mysterious intelligence in all that is truly responsible for this diversity.
"That" is.
That is the inner controller in all atoms.
That is what constitutes the individual characteristics.
That is what makes me and you, makes the grass green and the rose red.
It is not possible for the human mind to grasp this, to conceptualize this.
The inner controller is supreme intelligence.
Perhaps that is the only thing that is intelligence; perhaps all the rest is merely a reflection of that intelligence.

September 15

Disciple-ine

There is no such word as disciple.
The word is discipline!
I want to go to a Guru, Guru meaning the one, the light, who removes the darkness of ignorance.
If I go with the attitude of a pupil, I am closed, contracted against anything he can do for me.
If I go to him as a disciple, one who wants to learn, an embodiment of discipline, then first I must realize that I am ignorant; second that this ignorance is dreadful, that it is the cause of all my sorrow and unhappiness; and third, that this light will help to dispel the darkness of ignorance.
Only when these truths are accepted can I learn.
Otherwise I cannot learn.
I must go to the master only when I have these disciplines.
He need do nothing more than light the candles, and they will radiate their light, by which I can see the truth.
It is only in this light that I shall be able to see.
But unless I am awake, alert, unless my eyes are open, the light will do nothing for me.
This is what is meant by discipleship.
Living near a great master does not automatically confer merit on me.
It is my openness, my discipleship, and my eagerness to learn that matters.
Once this realization is there, the whole path is clear.

September 16

Peace

We work for peace and the world goes to pieces. Why?
We talk of peace and end up fighting. Why?
When shall we learn to pause and think?
When shall we learn to assess correctly the problems that face us and eradicate the roots of our troubles?
These roots were exposed thousands of years ago by the Vedic Sages, Krishna, Buddha, Moses, Jesus and Mohammed.
In different languages they remind us that selfish desire, ignorance and inertia, are the causes of all sin and suffering.
An enlightened life of love, charity, dynamic selfless service alone can ensure our happiness and peace.
To live is to turn away from evil (live is the reverse of evil) and it is evil that acts as a veil, hiding God (evil and veil both have the same spelling).
Even to live is not enough.
The undivine little "I" is there (the ego, the root of all selfishness).
It has to be dropped and we should feel that we are (the "I" is) nothing, zero.
This zero is full, perfect, complete (it is the only letter in the alphabet that returns to the starting point), and unchanged in all directions.
When this zero (the letter "0") replaces "I", we really live, we love all.
This is what my master called divine life.
To love all, to lovingly serve all, feeling that God dwells in all, that God is the reality in one's self - is divine life.

September 17

Prana

The yogi knows that muscles are the tools of nerve power - prana, and this power is the servant of the mind, which is seated in the brain.
Prana is life, the power in life-breath, the life-giving nature of food.
It functions in the countless faculties of the body and mind.
If prana functions properly, one is full of life, one faces the challenges of life with hope, enthusiasm and faith.
If the prana is at low ebb, one thinks about nothing but doctors, hospitals and operations.
Prana and mind are closely linked.
The health of the body depends largely on the health of the nerves and certain hormone-secreting glands.
Health cannot be easily defined; it is like happiness, one has to experience it oneself.
The yogi's powers of resistance and endurance are far higher than others.
He enjoys an inner sense of well-being.
Even on his deathbed he looks forward, backward and inward with supreme sense of delight and well-being.
This yogic system prevents illness in youth and in old age enables one to ignore it.
In the system of yogic physical culture we almost completely ignore the muscles, we concentrate on the glands and nerves. We strengthen the nerves by strengthening their source, the brain and the spinal column.

September 18

A Simple Prayer

I have a rather simple prayer.
"God, give me enough health to be able to serve, to work, and enough pain not to forget you."
A life without some pain, some heartache - not necessarily physiological - would be useless, impossible.
We need this, and if I can see life without getting worked up about my own silly little aches and pains, I am bound to discover that the balance always seems to be in favor of something positive, something good.
Here I've lost two friends through death, but I have gained six new ones - their grandchildren.
Why don't I give thanks to God for these, instead of brooding over something that I am supposed to have lost?
When I forget all these things, then I see life flowing on smoothly, beautifully, completely regardless of what we do and what we do not do.
Why should we pray at all?
In order that we may constantly remember that the only thing in this world that does not change is change.
The only unchanging factor in this universe is constant change; it is continuous, the continuity itself is unchanging.

September 19

Recyclation

Everything seems to be circulating all the time.
Everything is recycled and brought back.
You look at yourself in the mirror.
What is this?
Recycled banana, potatoes and sandwiches.
All that will go down the drain, little by little, day after day; one day a lot more - death.
But even this is not lost.
You know the saying, "Dust thou art, and to dust thou shalt return."
It is literally true.
This physical body sitting here in front of you is nothing but what grew out of earth.
It consumes the food, but what consumes it is still more interesting.
Fifty-four years ago, I was a baby about eighteen inches long, with a tiny little mouth and a tiny little tongue.
Now they have become a big mouth, big tongue and big teeth.
How did I get them in the first place?
Potatoes, bananas, milk, yogurt and curd.
Can you see the shocking truth?
This tongue is nothing but sandwiches eaten two or three years ago, and these sandwiches eaten then are now looking for more sandwiches to eat.
I ate some food and made this body, which is nothing but the end product of food, now it in turn craves more food.
This process keeps going until one day the body becomes food to fertilize the earth.

September 20

Change

We see that though life is constantly changing, there is some unchanging continuity in it.
Wonderful, isn't it?
It is only because we don't seem to grasp this fun - some silly child playing somewhere - that we are frightened.
I don't know if you believe in this idea of immortality, but I think there is an extremely simple, direct explanation for this - nothing ever dies.
Years before a man becomes old, aged, ready to leave this world, something goes out of this body and takes a form, and that form he gives the name my son, or my daughter.
It is nothing but part of his own body or of the mother's body or a combination of the two.
And it is almost as if the child looks at him and says, "I'm already here to replace you, how long are you going to live?"
After all, you started at this point, didn't you?
If you can visualize your own beginnings, you also started as a fertilized ovum.
So, that is physiologically and biologically speaking the beginning of your own life.
You are nothing more than that.
And before you disappear from this earth, you have given part of this body to make one more, so that even that physiological entity continues.

September 21

Continuity

There is a continuity of humaneness in this world and yet there is no continuity concerning wisdom or foolishness.
If you are a wise man, your son may not be a wise man, or if you are a fool, your son may not be such a fool.
In the case of some of us who may not have children in the ordinary physical sense of the term, we leave behind an idea, a thought, an inspiration, a teaching, a message, and a memory - these being in no way inferior or superior to the biological babies.
There is the continuity of the spirit and yet continuous change.
The continuity itself is a continuous change, or the change is continuous and therefore there is a continuity.

When we really and sincerely pray, we see the whole life in a completely different light - that there is immortality without any metaphysical connotation.
And then birth, death, old age, pain, and what is called suffering, are all seen as part of the ever-flowing stream, ever changing and yet never changing.
All our prayer is meant to awaken ourselves to this truth.

September 22

This Self?

Is it possible to be free of selfishness and thus become directly aware of what this self means?
What is this self?
We have completely neglected this quest, and instead have been busy building up relationships, family, properties, endlessly multiplying our problems; then struggling to escape from them, and thus creating more.
I think, "I am not married, I am alone, no one to look after me. If I marry my problem will be solved."
So I marry, and then find that my own problem has become two.
We are both dissatisfied, bored, she is constantly looking for my faults; so, "I'll divert her attention, give her a baby. When the baby is crying, she won't bother about my snoring."
Has the problem been soIved?
No, now it is three.
This continues until eventually I go to the divorce court and am back to square one.
Again I am lonely and again seek a wife, and the problem is endless until I begin to turn my gaze within and see me, the ego, the personality as it is.
There is this vacuum, this emptiness that draws all these problems to itself; and therefore I must become aware of this emptiness.
I or the personality is the emptiness that invites all the problems.
If there were no vacuum, the air would not rush in.

September 23

Images

That which becomes aware of the emptiness inside is not empty, but seeing with the light of wisdom, becomes an image of the divine light.
So, first I must completely rid myself of all those images that I have built to fill the emptiness - the image of God, the image of security, the image called my wife, the image called my children - and focus my attention wholly and solely on this inner emptiness.
Then let the question arise - I cannot ask it, it must arise - "Who is it that is aware of me?"
Who is aware of this me, which is empty, and which has therefore filled itself with all sorts of concepts - concepts of religion, concepts of ethics, concepts of morality, concepts of role; I am the husband and she is the wife, I am the father and these are my children.
All these concepts have poured into this emptiness.
This is our mistake.
We keep the emptiness in its glorious state and try to rid ourselves of our problems, but the emptiness is still there and will attract something else.

September 24

Emptiness

I don't want to have children, but instead I may take on disciples.
I don't wish to possess any property, but if the emptiness is still there, I'll build an ashram.
Or I may change the name.
Of course I don't eat fish, I eat seafood!
In some countries cows are no longer called cattle, they are "live-stock", stock that walks.
"Thou shalt not kill" has become "Thou shalt not murder"!
So, this business of changing the label will not do.
I must see the emptiness for what it is, and be prepared at one instant to drop seeing from this emptiness, stationing myself there and identifying with it, and what it contains.
The fact is that I am empty, but unable to tolerate this, I have dropped in a label, and now I judge you from that emptiness.
There is an awareness that looks at this emptiness, looks at this personality, looks at this "I" or ego, and sees that, so long as my life is based upon what this emptiness and its contents dictate, it will run in cycles.
That's all, the limit that you and I can reach.
The question must arise one of these days, "Who is it that is aware of this emptiness?"
Then there is what is called enlightenment.
Such an enlightened life is divine life.

September 25

Situations

Life brings all sorts of situations from day to day.
Some of them are the same old things repeated from time immemorial - hunger, thirst, fear and sleep - some of them are new, and some of them are a mixture of both old and new.
How do we deal with them, how do we cope with life, how do we live here?
In a manner of speaking, nothing has ever happened - the same life is carrying on, sometimes stumbling, sometimes falling and then getting up.
But life goes on continuously without interruption.
What we call death is falling down, lying down, and what we call illness, is stumbling, tripping on a piece of stone.
You're tottering, you're not quite steady, and suddenly you fall flat on the ground, lie down for a few minutes, and get up - that's called death and what is known as rebirth.
From one point of view this thing is continuous, without beginning and without end, it goes on and on; it's neither born nor does it die.
From another point of view, there is constant change, but this change is change of form; the spirit is unchanging, the form is ever changing.

September 26

Scapegoat

What is happening within me, as I demand, "Tell me what I must do?"
I'm uncertain, not quite sure what to do, and I am too lazy to find out for myself what I should do.
But even more important, if something goes wrong, I'll hold you responsible.
If I make the decision myself and something goes wrong, I've no one to blame.
When we ask someone else to make up our mind, we are literally looking for a scapegoat.
If anything goes wrong, I can say, "He told me to do this, he misled me."
But if it turns out well, I say, "What a wonderful person I am. Of course, he gave me the suggestion and advice, but that was not important, it was all my doing."
It is here that we have to be alert and vigilant - and this is what nobody wants.
When asked, "What must I do," if I am a wise person, I will follow the example of Christ, Krishna, Buddha, etc. and say, "I have told you what I consider to be right, but you must make up your own mind."
Because, even in our day-to-day affairs, certain things are continuous, recurring, and certain things are not, but appear fresh.
These we have to face afresh ourselves.

September 27

Personality

Question:
What is a split personality?
Answer:
A split personality, from my point of view (which is the only point of view I can see and present!), is a person who wants to do contradictory things.
He is running in opposite directions, and yet wants to persuade himself that he does not want to do these conflicting things!
There was a lady who behaved very violently.
She was at least sincere enough to admit the need to excuse herself for bad behavior.
Then she justified, "People misunderstand me. I had a difficult childhood, I have this problem in my subconscious."
I may then decide to bring your subconscious to the conscious level by giving you a good slap!
How am I responsible for your childhood misfortunes and for what goes on in your subconscious?
You had better look at it if you want to!
There is a Tamil saying, "Even your brothers do not help you as much as a few good spankings will help you."
Unfortunately, these well-intentioned psychological theories that have been trotted out that the criminal or the mad man is a sick man who deserves our sympathy, etc. leave open the question of who will sympathies with the victim of this madness!

September 28

Perfection

What is perfection?
When there are no more cravings, no more aspirations.
How does one reach a state where there are no aspirations, no desires?
We have been told that one keeps desiring something or other, "I wish to be healthier, to be better, I desire peace of mind, to become divine, to have God-realization, to be a yogi ..."
It has been said that this desire is like a catalyst, like a fire that burns everything, and burns itself out when the time comes.
The beautiful analogy given is that desire for self-realization is like fire that reduces all other desires to ashes, and eventually goes out.
This is possible if you are terribly vigilant and careful.
If I desire to be a yogi, then so long as the desire lasts, I am not a yogi.
If I am anxious to have peace of mind, I am like the person who is preoccupied with the need for falling asleep and repeats, "I must sleep, I must sleep."
He will not sleep!
Possibly, if I stop telling myself, "I must sleep," I will fall asleep immediately.

September 29

Dignity

If I want to maintain my dignity in spite of the fact that I am a fool, running after pleasure, I will invent a theory, a doctrine, in order to cover my own wickedness.
Now I am not only a wicked man, but also a cheat!
This can go on for all time to come, until one day, somehow, I have the courage to turn away from this shadow and to face the light.
One can see the shadow only when one turns away from the source of light!
If you turn your face towards the sun, you no longer see the shadow.
On facing the sun, you see the light.
What caused the shadow to fall was your body or simply yourself.
The shadow was formed because of yourself and the sun.
When I turn round and face the sun, I do not see myself any more.
When I had my back to the sun, to light, I saw the shadow which had the appearance of myself, I mistook that to be myself, but when I wheeled round and faced the sun, I saw only the sun, the light, and not myself.
That is God-realization, self-realization, whatever you want to call it.
That is perfection where there is no shadow and where truth alone shines!

September 30

Confusion

Why am I nasty to someone else?
I say, "Because violence, aggression, self-defense, self-protection, are part of human nature."
That means I cannot change myself.
If it is part of human nature, it is absurd even to think of changing the reality.
In that case, I must accept exactly the same behavior from the other man, and everything will become all right!
I told a lady, who excused herself for anger by saying that she had an unhappy childhood, which caused her to be violent, that I too had a family problem, and therefore, I also could be violent.
You see the contradiction here?
I want to be brutal to you, but I want you to understand and bear with me.
(I think, when it comes to me, that selfishness, brutality, etc. are all part of human nature and therefore have got to be there; but I do not want you to behave like that to me!)
Well, nature will teach you.
So instead of indulging in all this sophistry, if I am able to look at life itself, I will see that there is confusion in my heart and mind.
My whole life is in a state of confusion.